Chapter 79
Tuesday 6th June 2000
I hate hangovers. I never thought they would be fun, and you know I’ve gotten drunk before, but my god… I woke up the morning after my birthday with brain caught in a vice. Kitty was the only one who got off lightly, which I suppose is a testament to us being responsible even while drunk and not letting her have too much. She only had it as bad as I did after Bao’s birthday parties…
We all agreed to take it easy for the rest of the long party. We’d pretty much peaked early, and none of us felt like doing much of anything for a good chunk of Saturday. By the evening, we were able to put together dinner and spent the evening playing Trivial Pursuit. It was an entirely different version of “adult life” than the previous night and… as I wrote that, it dawned on me what it says about me that my concept of adult life is apparently half-drinking, half-playing-Trivial Pursuit…
The weekend came to an end, the half-term holiday began, and to nobody’s surprise, Dakota began enforcing a strict revision schedule upon us. It made sense, since our all-important final exams were going to be in full swing once school opened again. It wasn’t just the five of us, either: Kitty had SATs and Lucy had exams too, though I don’t know how she’ll fare considering she missed a whole term. All of us revising the day away: not a lot of fun, but a necessity we had to tackle.
And hey, we had a couple of monster fights during our down-time, so that spiced things up…
Oh, and we also had to make a trip to the airport on the Sunday (June 4th, not May 28th, to be clear), as Saoirse had surprised us all by flying in. She’d booked a few days off of work to be here for Dakota’s 18th birthday. We’d spent the half-term holiday all staying over at Dakota’s, and Saoirse’s arrival had us scattering like spooked cats. Just her, Dakota and Kitty there for a little while. Dakota copied up our revision plans for us to take home with us.
I hate revision. Hangovers and revision. I’ve suddenly found myself at the crossover point between two terrible things.
The following day, school opened again, and our exam period officially began. My first exam is the Thursday, so I’ve been focusing on that… sticky notes all over the house so I can absorb information as I’m heading around, books permanently open on my desk, Mum charged with asking me questions to the best of her ability. A few more papers over the next two weeks, spread out pretty fairly.
All that kind of stopped come Dakota’s birthday. I mean, we still had to revise – she literally told us that we had to do revision – but we let celebrations take the lead for the day.
… that said? I spent Monday night and the first hour or so of Tuesday morning angsting over how long I should wait to visit her. You see, with her mother being over, I figured they would want to spend some time together. And that left me wondering exactly how long I should wait before stopping by. Midday? Was that too late? Would Dakota be annoyed that I didn’t even visit until midday? But then if I showed up at 10am, would that be too early? Was 11am closer to “too late” or “too early”? Would Saoirse hand my rear to me on a silver platter if I turned up at 9am? I couldn’t just send Dakota a message or anything either, both because it would expose the whole issue and impact the time spent with her mum, and because that would become our first contact on her birthday and I wanted to wish her happy birthday in-person.
You might think that really wasn’t something I should have been worrying about, and honestly, you’re probably right. But for me, in the moment, that was a vital, excruciating decision.
Still, I showed up at 11am in the end with no problems at all, so my eventual intuition was totally on the money. I’m playing it cool here but I almost collapsed to the floor in relief once I was certain everything was good.
“Happy birthday!” I cheered at Dakota when she opened the door on me, the huge bouquet of flowers I had in one hand, and the even huger bundle of “18” balloons in the other.
“You big eejit!” she greeted me, clearly struggling not to grab me into a hug right there and then. “Thank you! Come in! Aaah!”
And she skipped back inside giddily, leaving me to wrestle the balloons through the doorway.
“Is that Alex?” I heard Saoirse asking from the other room beyond the rustling of helium-filled foil.
“Hi, Mrs Radley!” I called out to her. “How’re you?”
“I’m just grand, Alex! Just grand!” Much like Mum on my birthday, that was the voice of a proud mother.
“Oh man…”
Dakota hurried back over to me, with as much energy as before, and began using her two free hands to help me wrangle the balloons inside. Once they were all in, she shut the door behind me and grabbed me into a warm hug, which I did my best to reciprocate. I released the balloons, but still held the flowers as we embraced.
“What’re you like…?” she purred.
“Uhm… Mr Bean without the car?”
She giggled cutely.
“And more handsome,” she remarked, “no arguing.”
“Fiiine…”
I satiated her with a kiss.
“Now, wanna take the flowers already?”
“Good idea!” the birthday girl enthused over my shoulder, before releasing herself from the hug and taking the bouquet from me. A quick inspection, a deep sniff, and an approving smile.
“Aaaand…” I began (or continued?) while swinging the rucksack from my back, “I’ve got some other presents for you, too!”
“I’d be surprised if you didn’t,” I was told, with that playful smirk I knew so well.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t too long before Bao showed up, followed by Kendal and Zahid pretty much at the same time, and everything became lively and excited. Presents were opened, laughs were had – one of the things I got Dakota was a pair of sandals, and with the others’ reactions, I was so worried Saoirse would get suspicious – and then we had some lunch before heading out for a while.
Okay, this is another time where I should speed things up a bit… you don’t need every little detail of our time hanging out in the park or us popping into our favoured corner shop. You definitely don’t need the half-hour of Bao trying to convince us that he wound up travelling all the way to Glasgow on a whim once – how we’d never heard that story before, I have no idea, and I’m still not entirely convinced it’s true. It’s not like it was too dull to talk about, but something a lot more noteworthy happened later on...
Well, I think it’s noteworthy.
The five of us returned to Dakota’s for a little while, with Kitty home from school and waiting to greet us (and a little miffed that Dakota had already opened the rest of her presents), before we headed back out to a gastropub.
“Oooh, wow, I didn’t know it’d be this fancy…!” Kendal spoke in awe as we strolled out to the garden area: tables on a patio stretch, then picnic tables down the lush lawn and a view out to a lake beyond that, with a small, gated wooden fence as the only thing marking the point where the garden ended. It was fairly busy for early on a Tuesday evening, though it didn’t feel at all crowded.
“It’s not too shabby,” Zahid nodded lightly. That was a pretty positive appraisal, coming from him.
“Here seems good,” Dakota declared, hovering beside one of the parasol-sporting tables, hands on the back of a chair but seemingly waiting for unanimity.
“Hang on…”
Bao strolled over, pulled out one of the chairs, and sat himself down, before peering towards the lake.
“Yeah, this seems good,” he concluded, relaxing back a little.
“Definitely, if we can all see the lake,” I quipped in response, before I took the seat next to Dakota, the view to the lake over my shoulder.
“Oh no, I can’t see the lake from here…!”
I couldn’t help but grin as I said it; Bao gave me a mock-venomous glare.
“You’ve ridiculed me for the last time, Matthews…” he warned with deepened voice.
“Fight, fight, fight, fight!” Kendal hollered playfully as she, Dakota and Zahid sat down too.
“Alright, let’s not have everybody looking at us,” Dakota eased her awkwardly.
“Or we can have them look for a good reason!”
Kendal turned to look at some of the other patrons, grinning brightly.
“My awesome friend here is 18 today!”
“Kendal…!” Dakota whimpered, looking sheepish beneath Kendal’s gestures and pointing.
You might be wondering why Kitty wasn’t with us – and trust me, I kind of felt bad over it – but the reason is simply that we’d decided on this being an adult dinner. It was the five of us, all 18 years old, eating out together. And Kitty insisted that it was fine, that she understood, and she made us promise we’d go somewhere with her at some point… between this and the road trip, I felt like she was unfairly getting left out. But I suppose the five of us are all at the same point in our lives, and it’s alright for us to spend a little time together to commemorate that.
Speaking of the road trip, we’d come to the realisation that it might not be ideal for us to leave the country for weeks while Melody’s still leading her rebellion. Which had led us to…
“I know there’s a time difference, but unless Melody did something first thing in the morning, we can teleport back over here…!” Bao was insisting between mouthfuls.
“How would we know?” Zahid asked him with a frown. “I don’t think Whereville USA reports on everything that happens in the UK…”
“Kitty or Lucy could phone us!”
“Mhm!” Kendal concurred with a mouthful of wine.
“It’s just.. not practical…” Dakota mused. “I really hope we can figure out a way to do it, but…”
You could almost see something snap in Kendal’s mind.
“It’s America, Dakota! America!”
“I know, but-”
“No buts!” Kendal growled. “Kitty and Lucy can handle it! It’s our time to see America!”
“There’s got to be something we can do…” I reasoned while cutting off a portion of my battered cod. “We have over a month to think about it. And hey, maybe we’ll have the Melody stuff all sorted out by then…?”
“Wouldn’t count on it,” Zahid huffed, before drinking some of his beer.
“Okay, new goal…”
Kendal stretched her arm out over her plate, roughly towards the centre of the table (save for the parasol being in the way), hand open.
“Next time we deal with Melody, she’s toast. No more letting her get away.”
Then realisation struck her, and she moved her arm back, retrieving her wine glass and holding it out for us to meet with our own glasses. A more fitting gesture.
“We’re gonna win, properly win!”
“Cheers to that!” Bao cawed, knocking his glass against hers.
I added mine to the mix, smiling despite myself.
“I’ve no idea how, but hell yeah!”
“Maybe a positive spirit’s all we need…?” suggested the birthday girl as she clinked her glass into the others.
“Jeez, why’d I get myself roped in with you lot and your damn infectious optimism…?” Zahid chuckled to himself. He scooped up his pint glass and thrust it forwards.
“To victory! And adulthood! And an American road trip!” Kendal toasted with vigour.
“Cheers!” we all echoed. I’m sure there was uncertainty still hanging over us as we drank, but I really did have a renewed hope that we could bring an end to it all.
We ate and drank and talked, and once we’d finished, Kendal drove us all to our homes – with Saoirse here, we couldn’t really all stay at Dakota’s to continue the celebrations. I returned with Dakota, at least, to spend a little more time with her. The orange sunset hues of the sky coloured the world as Kendal drove off, leaving Dakota and me outside the house.
“I’ve been thinking…” Dakota began quietly, stood still on the driveway.
“Yeah?”
I waited to see what she had to say before judging how to respond.
“I… I might tell Mam how I feel. The way Zahid talked with his parents… maybe I should be open with her?” she considered, though her eyes were uncertain.
“Okay… well… if you feel like it’s a good idea, then yeah…” I told her rather indecisively, putting an arm around her.
“It’s not like I don’t love her, but…”
“I know, I know,” I assured her. “Let’s get inside and you can find the opportunity.”
She took a second to shake off the unease, and we headed indoors together.
“Hey guys,” Kitty greeted us, walking in from the living room. “How was your dinner?”
“Hey Kitty, it was lovely, thanks!” Dakota replied while taking her sandals off. “How’ve things been here?”
“Your mum showed me Grease,” the younger girl spoke. “It was pretty good.”
“Uh-oh… there’ll be singing in this house for weeks straight…” I teased, earning an amused noise from Kitty.
We headed through to the living room, were Saoirse was sat watching the TV, and, well, that was the next couple of hours, a quaint evening of the four of us together. Eventually, the television went off and we talked instead, hearing tales of Dakota’s childhood which had her squirming in embarrassment.
Before we knew it, it was 10:30pm. Kitty had already headed off to bed, what with another school day lying ahead of her, but time had escaped the rest of us.
“Man, I should get back home…” I proclaimed, getting up from the sofa with a stretch.
“No, Alex, you’re more than welcome to stay over for the night,” Saoirse spoke, much to my surprise. “You’re both eighteen years old now. I don’t have a problem with the two of you sharing a bed.”
And then:
“But no funny business.”
Said so sternly that I felt guilty for something I hadn’t even had the chance to do yet.
“Keep it serious, got it…!” I complied nervously, nodding stiffly. Saoirse rose to her feet.
“And it’s about time for me to get to bed…” she observed before yawning.
“Mam…”
Dakota stood up in turn, half-panicked, seemingly only just remembering her earlier decision. She said nothing else, suddenly having to formulate the words she wanted to say.
“What is it, dear?” her mother asked, utterly oblivious to her turmoil.
A couple of seconds passed, and…
“Thank you, for being here…” Dakota smiled at her.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Saoirse told her daughter, and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Good night, both of you!”
“Good night,” we wished her together, and she left the room, at which point Dakota collapsed back to the sofa.
“I couldn’t…” she huffed, and quivered, nerves still holding her tightly. I held her close.
“It’s okay… you weren’t prepared…”
“I’m not strong enough…”
Her eyes were so lost.
“You’re so strong, Dakota…”
“I’m not…”
Saoirse returned just then, and like a marionette righted, Dakota composed herself instantly. Mask reaffixed.
“By the way…”
The Irish woman raised a tattered old carrier bag.
“I have one more present for you… whenever you’re ready for it.”
“Thanks…” Dakota replied, confused: she slowly left the sofa, heading over to her mother and taking the bag from her.
I received a look from Saoirse that I could only take as a reminder to support Dakota, before she disappeared once again.
“What is it…?” I asked Dakota as she scoped out the contents of the bag.
“An old video camera… and some cables…”
Maybe she and I both had the same hunch, but neither of us said anything. It didn’t need voicing.
Dakota took the bag and sat in front of the TV, getting out the camcorder and plugging the cables first into it, and then into the TV, which she turned on. The camcorder was placed on the coffee table, and Dakota returned to the sofa with the remote control.
We sat in silence as she found the right setting for the cable socket she’d used.
I took her hand, holding it firmly.
She leant forwards, and pressed play.
A static fizz filled the screen for a moment; then, it was replaced by the face of Elliott Radley. The same brown hair, stubble, warmth, energy that I’d seen in the family portrait in Dundalk. Dakota squeezed my hand.
“Hey sweetheart,” he grinned. “Finally figured out how to work this thing!”
He moved back, taking a seat in what appeared to be an attic.
“It’s June 6th 1985, and you just turned 3.”
That American accent… it made me wonder what Dakota’s accent would be like if things had gone differently.
“So I thought I’d film this! Just for fun. And, well… just to be safe.”
His smile faltered the tiniest bit.
“Because your mom and I, we live a dangerous life, and… you never know. You never know. But hey! This is probably gonna collect dust in this attic for the next fifty years and somebody’s watching this in their hovercar! Wonder what that’s like…?”
Dakota giggled. I looked to her, eyes full of tears waiting to fall, an awed and bittersweet smile on her face.
“I’m marking this tape ‘for Dakota’s 18th’, which you’ll already know if you’re playing this, unless your mom just gave you the video camera… because, well, there’s no way I’m missing this. Missing my princess becoming an adult!”
He adjusted, leaning forwards like an excited kid.
“I still remember the day you were born like it was yesterday… terrified at the idea of being a father, barely able to believe it was happening, and then I held you in my arms and I just knew it’d be okay. You were this tiny little angel… I can’t imagine how beautiful you must be. You’ve got good genes… not mine, look at me, but your mom’s absolutely incredible and I’m sure you’re breaking as many hearts as she did. Trust me, I had to stitch mine back together. Three times!”
One of his hands shot for his head, scratching away at his hair.
“If you’ve got a boyfriend, well, he better know he’s the luckiest guy on the planet. … or a girlfriend… hey, just break it easy to your mom, okay? If he or she is watching: look after her. Treasure her. Don’t you dare hurt her. I’ve only known her for three years and I already know she’s the most beautiful soul that ever graced the Earth.”
This damn man had me welling up too now…
“And hey, if you haven’t met anybody yet? That’s okay too!” he assured her. “Not trying to make you feel like you should have a boyfriend by now- or a girlfriend, it’s a modern world… Hey, would you believe me if I said I had an idea of how this was gonna go? That’s flown out the window faster than… something that flies out of a window, fast. Focus, Elliott, focus…”
He rubbed his temples, then looked back up, suddenly a little more serious.
“I can’t wait to meet you. This you, the you who’s grown up. I wanna know everything about you. I wanna know your favourite song and your favourite flavour of ice cream. I wanna hear your favourite joke. I wanna meet your best friends and I wanna see them make you laugh. I wanna walk you down the aisle someday and it terrifies me that I might not get the chance. I might never get to know you. But hey.”
Sparky again, relaxing back in the chair.
“Anybody can say that. We’re all mortal. Just because I’m running about with guns, doesn’t make me special. Christ, what am I saying…?”
Elliott stood up, walked to the video camera… and paused. After thinking for a few seconds, her returned to the chair.
“No, this is fine. You’re an adult. You, watching this, if I’m gone, you’re not the rugrat downstairs. You’re a woman. You can hear this, you can hear your old man jabber on. No take twos. That’s life, I guess. Hey, did you know I’m a philosopher? I didn’t…”
A quick slap to the cheeks, an attempt to get himself on-track.
“The point is, Dakota. I love you. And I’m proud of you. Even if all I can do is dream of the woman you’ll become, I am so proud of you. I will always be with you. So long as you remember me, I’m always with you.”
Completing the trifecta, a tear ran down his face.
“Be brave. Be strong. Be everything we raised you to be and even more than that. Be kind. Be you. And never, ever forget that I love you, my beautiful baby girl.”
And then he rose again, strode forwards, and ended the recording. Static consumed the screen once again.
I turned to Dakota again, my hand aching from her grasp, and she immediately grabbed me into a hug. She sobbed, and I held her, tears falling too, just comforting her, trying to find something to say but knowing there were no words good enough. I almost felt wrong having watched the video with her, but she needed me, and…
And I felt honoured. I felt honoured to have seen the father of the most incredible girl – woman – I know, and to have been here as words caught in time for fifteen years finally got imparted to her. And as she embraced me and let out her anguish, I knew that, for all the pain, she relished every second of it. That video and those words, more than anything, where the greatest present she could have wished for.